JUST BECAUSE I don't read your poetry all the time doesn't mean I don't understand your love for the pen and your artistic ways with words.

JUST BECAUSE I live in WA and she lives in IL does it mean that she's better than me?

JUST BECAUSE you say you don't, doesn't mean that it's not hidden.

It's plain to see you love her as she loves you.

If she calls you baby, does that mean that she's taking my place & you appreciate it more when she calls you it?

What's the difference between me and her?

Just for one night, just for awhile.

In the back of my mind, you were mine.

Tell me, Tre.

Tell me everything.

Don't lie to me.

Don't tell me I'm overreacting.

Don't tell me you didn't think it was a problem.

Don't tell me you love me if you don't think you do.

love.

Love is such an intense thing for me to talk about. Just for the fact that I have reached all kinds of love even almost getting married and I've been the person to give advice and I've received advice on the subject of love and I've grown to gain a lot of knowledge of the subject with previous lovers, the one I have now, my friends & family.

Love comes in all sorts of forms. Either if you love a friend, you love your significant other, you love your family, you love your possessions, you love life, you love your religion and so forth & I want to touch base on the types of love that have affected me.

Friends:
Each one of the people in my life who I can honestly say are my friends, I love. They have affected my life in so many ways. In one instance, Stephanie and Jonnathan. I've known Steph for a couple years and she's one of the only females who I know will never leave me behind. We haven't spent as much time together as we have had for the fact that we are going to school and making something of each other but Steph is one of the most supportive people in the world. I can honestly say I love her with all my heart for the fact that she is the only female in my life -outside of family- who I'm chill and had an on-going friendship with her. With Jonnathan, he's the new-comer, I assume to say, but I've told him before but I do adore Jonnathan. I started talking to him in July (i presume) and there hasn't been a day we haven't talked but he's helped me in some dark times and he's just been there through anything. I love my friends & there are multiple individuals and there are the personal reasons why I love them.

Significant others:

Oh gosh, I've been through a lot of boyfriends and I've been through one fiancé. I've experienced the death of a significant, an engagement, MULTIPLE cheatings, either me cheating or them cheating, I've fell head over heels, multiple times, dated a best friend, been with a couple girls, been with an abusive man and ect. All my previous boys/girls have played a huge affect on how I treat the guy I'm with now. & Speaking of that, the guy I'm with now, we've known each other for 3 years. We've been best friends for that entire time and he knows exactly how I am. I feel that it's important to get to know your significant other before you two decide to try it out. Did I ever have intentions of dating Tre? There were times where I've wanted just to be with him but he wasn't ready and never seen me as his other half; with time, things changed and now we are together. It takes some getting used to. But with that, my love of the other half, comes trust issues. My trust has been shattered and it's hard to even get it back to how it is. (Tre has experienced it, like last night) It's how I am. If you can't trust your other, and believe me, I trust Tre. I trust him with my life. but If you can't trust your other, there's no future for your love. You can't force trust nor love.

Something that has irked me for years is the debate between sex and love. ALL guys I've been with get cut loose if they use the "If you love me, you'd do this, this & that." No, no, no. I don't go for that shit at all. But for the fact that I've been used for sex, I mean lured in, thinking that the person who loves me but only wanted sex, lessens my trust for the next person. The slightest mention of sex has me thinking "oh, they would never want me. They just want my vag." If you keep thinking that then it'll push you away from that person.

I take sex SUPER seriously. I've only had a couple sex partners in my life but with that, due to somethings that have happened, left me with a little one. I don't fuck with sex with other people, when you're with someone. When Tre and I started talking about getting together, he mentioned an "open relationship" which meant for me "yeah, you can fuck somebody else but you belong to me." no, I'm super against that for the fact when I was in school I learned the whole if you have a sex partner, and they have two, and then they have four and pretty much at the end, you've fucked every single person in your graduating class... No. When I'm with somebody, I suspect to give them my all & vice versa. & Not saving my vag for somebody else or them sticking their dick in somebody else. I'm not comfortable with that. So I shot down that suggestion because I can't stand the thought of somebody getting up on my boy even if I can't be with him physically at the moment because I feel it gives them an excuse to cheat; personal opinion.

At the end of the day, I trust Tre, I love Tre.

I trust my friends, I love my friends & so forth.

military.

This is something I've been wanting to write about for the longest time.

I know a couple of people who are in the military and unlike anybody else, I hold them closest to my heart.

The first guy I ever fell deeply in love with was in the military. He left for deployment for about a year. I stayed there with him, I didn't think of any other guy. I didn't think of anybody else. I prayed for him and he stayed on my mind through the whole time. Yes it was extremely hard but you have to realize that if you have a boyfriend or even a friend in the military, they suspect you to be there when they get home. Of course, I didn't get the chance to write him letters but there was one time that I actually did write him a letter, I just never got the chance to send it to him. Shortly afterwards, he returned. He was a change man though. Not changed in a good way but in actually a bad way. His attitude was completely different & he just said he didn't feel the same way for me. I wasn't mad. Of course, I was devastated but yet I understood that he went through all that & I was young. He didn't want me to sit around and wait for him for him to get home. Needless to say, I do miss him & he'll always be held close to my heart.

Through out the years I've meet so many men that are in the military & when ever there is something on TV or so that resembles a man leaving his family or his loved one to fight over seas or be shipped on a deployment, I get weak because of what I went through with Mar & to know of families having to go through that.

Right now, I have a BFF who is going to be deployed in October. The guy I'm falling for, he's in the army reserves. Through all the friendships I've gone through, those two are the ones I hold closest to me because I promised them through anything, I will be there. People don't understand what military men and women go through when they get deployed, they have to leave their families, their girlfriends/wives their children and such to fight for them. They see death, they see turmoil & they see so many things that they try to protect you from. They are fighting for YOU. They are there with you in spirit and they will always come back to you.

It bothers me to see people freak out because of the little things in their daily lives. They freak out if they get pregnant, not saying it's a small thing but still, they freak out because they can't find a job, they do all this freaking out & men & women over seas are fighting for their lives. They can't see their families & all they have is words on a paper & little wallet sized pictures to live for & they won't be able to see their families for months, maybe years & they strive for the promise of having somebody to come home to. I promised so much to Nathan (bff) because I don't want him to feel alone when he leaves.

I hold the military & people in the military close to my heart.

I will never understand what they go through, but I know I'll be here for Manny & Nathan when they come back.