We fight.

We only fight because we're afraid of losing each other.

There's never a week without fighting but it's what brings us closer, it's what makes memories with us.

We can be disappointed in one another, we can be ecstatic with each other but we both know we love each other and nothing will change us but make us stronger.

I'm sorry that I've ever hurt you.

I'm sorry if I ever depended on you more than I should.

I never want to hurt you.

To be quite honest, you're what I look forward to every day.

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you in my life.

Me: We need a resolution.

Him: That we do. Leaving isn't one of them though.

Me: I hate to bring it up but one day, one of us is going to leave eah other... and that day will hurt more than it does now.

Him: Death is an inevitablity, unfortunately, yes.

Him: But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Him: Or blow it up and stay on the other side.

Me: So you're saying you refuse to let me go

Him: lol, not to sound all uber controlling and molding....but somewhat, yes.

Thank you for being that person who is going to be there forever and always. What you said meant the world to me.

Thank you for holding me closer when I was banging on your chest.

Forgive me?

& I will try to be open to you more and I'll try to squash whatever is going on right then and there and not run from you.

Dear Nick,

We've known each other for a couple years and this past year and a half, I've enjoyed your company more than ever.

You're my best friend and the person I can go to for anything and what separates you from the rest is that throughout anything, you're there for me.

If you're partying, you always pick up your phone to make sure I'm okay.

If I'm down and out, you are always there to cheer me up and make me smile.

If I'm happy about something, and you already know about it, you still act happy for me instead of raining on my parade.

We've been through a lot, surprisingly and you still haven't lost your patience with me.

We had our first semi-argument earlier and I was wrong for it. I shouldn't of got mad at you but shortly after I made that comment, I looked towards the future and saw it without you and it hurt so I felt the need to apologize and you didn't respond, so I knew I messed up.

I'm sorry, best friend/brother/best person in the world.

Last night when we were talking, it was the happiest I've been in awhile due to the stress I've been under. But when you even mentioned the military it hurt. I couldn't lose you. We've grown so close without even meeting yet and I just couldn't imagine my life without you. I can't even imagine that now. You're my hoop to my basketball. I hope we NEVER go through any more struggle because I do not want to imagine my life with out you.

If you were just another person, I wouldn't of cared. But you're not.

You're better than the rest.

I'm sorry.

:(

Forgive me?

PS.

What is a "jawn?"

I absolutely hate how we are now.
Each time I think about it, my hearts hurts even more.

We had so many good times together and just for them to be ruined by a title, an arrangement, a relationship.

I loved you.

You loved me.

You love her as well.

It's life. I do forgive you.

It hurts, but I do forgive you.

Three years, ruined in two weeks.

We can never be friends.

We can never have any kind of future.

Just because we have a history.

We enjoyed the time we had together, the laughs, the smiles, and some times tears.

We shouldn't of done what we done, but it's done. Can't turn back time.

I learned that I shouldn't trust even somebody who you know for so long.

The one you trust the most, will turn on you the fastest.

I still love you as a part of my past.

I still miss you.

I hope you have a very happy and successful future

& when you listen to MJ, think of me.

When you play ball, think of me.

Don't regret, just think.

Life will go on.

JUST BECAUSE I don't read your poetry all the time doesn't mean I don't understand your love for the pen and your artistic ways with words.

JUST BECAUSE I live in WA and she lives in IL does it mean that she's better than me?

JUST BECAUSE you say you don't, doesn't mean that it's not hidden.

It's plain to see you love her as she loves you.

If she calls you baby, does that mean that she's taking my place & you appreciate it more when she calls you it?

What's the difference between me and her?

Just for one night, just for awhile.

In the back of my mind, you were mine.

Tell me, Tre.

Tell me everything.

Don't lie to me.

Don't tell me I'm overreacting.

Don't tell me you didn't think it was a problem.

Don't tell me you love me if you don't think you do.

love.

Love is such an intense thing for me to talk about. Just for the fact that I have reached all kinds of love even almost getting married and I've been the person to give advice and I've received advice on the subject of love and I've grown to gain a lot of knowledge of the subject with previous lovers, the one I have now, my friends & family.

Love comes in all sorts of forms. Either if you love a friend, you love your significant other, you love your family, you love your possessions, you love life, you love your religion and so forth & I want to touch base on the types of love that have affected me.

Friends:
Each one of the people in my life who I can honestly say are my friends, I love. They have affected my life in so many ways. In one instance, Stephanie and Jonnathan. I've known Steph for a couple years and she's one of the only females who I know will never leave me behind. We haven't spent as much time together as we have had for the fact that we are going to school and making something of each other but Steph is one of the most supportive people in the world. I can honestly say I love her with all my heart for the fact that she is the only female in my life -outside of family- who I'm chill and had an on-going friendship with her. With Jonnathan, he's the new-comer, I assume to say, but I've told him before but I do adore Jonnathan. I started talking to him in July (i presume) and there hasn't been a day we haven't talked but he's helped me in some dark times and he's just been there through anything. I love my friends & there are multiple individuals and there are the personal reasons why I love them.

Significant others:

Oh gosh, I've been through a lot of boyfriends and I've been through one fiancé. I've experienced the death of a significant, an engagement, MULTIPLE cheatings, either me cheating or them cheating, I've fell head over heels, multiple times, dated a best friend, been with a couple girls, been with an abusive man and ect. All my previous boys/girls have played a huge affect on how I treat the guy I'm with now. & Speaking of that, the guy I'm with now, we've known each other for 3 years. We've been best friends for that entire time and he knows exactly how I am. I feel that it's important to get to know your significant other before you two decide to try it out. Did I ever have intentions of dating Tre? There were times where I've wanted just to be with him but he wasn't ready and never seen me as his other half; with time, things changed and now we are together. It takes some getting used to. But with that, my love of the other half, comes trust issues. My trust has been shattered and it's hard to even get it back to how it is. (Tre has experienced it, like last night) It's how I am. If you can't trust your other, and believe me, I trust Tre. I trust him with my life. but If you can't trust your other, there's no future for your love. You can't force trust nor love.

Something that has irked me for years is the debate between sex and love. ALL guys I've been with get cut loose if they use the "If you love me, you'd do this, this & that." No, no, no. I don't go for that shit at all. But for the fact that I've been used for sex, I mean lured in, thinking that the person who loves me but only wanted sex, lessens my trust for the next person. The slightest mention of sex has me thinking "oh, they would never want me. They just want my vag." If you keep thinking that then it'll push you away from that person.

I take sex SUPER seriously. I've only had a couple sex partners in my life but with that, due to somethings that have happened, left me with a little one. I don't fuck with sex with other people, when you're with someone. When Tre and I started talking about getting together, he mentioned an "open relationship" which meant for me "yeah, you can fuck somebody else but you belong to me." no, I'm super against that for the fact when I was in school I learned the whole if you have a sex partner, and they have two, and then they have four and pretty much at the end, you've fucked every single person in your graduating class... No. When I'm with somebody, I suspect to give them my all & vice versa. & Not saving my vag for somebody else or them sticking their dick in somebody else. I'm not comfortable with that. So I shot down that suggestion because I can't stand the thought of somebody getting up on my boy even if I can't be with him physically at the moment because I feel it gives them an excuse to cheat; personal opinion.

At the end of the day, I trust Tre, I love Tre.

I trust my friends, I love my friends & so forth.

military.

This is something I've been wanting to write about for the longest time.

I know a couple of people who are in the military and unlike anybody else, I hold them closest to my heart.

The first guy I ever fell deeply in love with was in the military. He left for deployment for about a year. I stayed there with him, I didn't think of any other guy. I didn't think of anybody else. I prayed for him and he stayed on my mind through the whole time. Yes it was extremely hard but you have to realize that if you have a boyfriend or even a friend in the military, they suspect you to be there when they get home. Of course, I didn't get the chance to write him letters but there was one time that I actually did write him a letter, I just never got the chance to send it to him. Shortly afterwards, he returned. He was a change man though. Not changed in a good way but in actually a bad way. His attitude was completely different & he just said he didn't feel the same way for me. I wasn't mad. Of course, I was devastated but yet I understood that he went through all that & I was young. He didn't want me to sit around and wait for him for him to get home. Needless to say, I do miss him & he'll always be held close to my heart.

Through out the years I've meet so many men that are in the military & when ever there is something on TV or so that resembles a man leaving his family or his loved one to fight over seas or be shipped on a deployment, I get weak because of what I went through with Mar & to know of families having to go through that.

Right now, I have a BFF who is going to be deployed in October. The guy I'm falling for, he's in the army reserves. Through all the friendships I've gone through, those two are the ones I hold closest to me because I promised them through anything, I will be there. People don't understand what military men and women go through when they get deployed, they have to leave their families, their girlfriends/wives their children and such to fight for them. They see death, they see turmoil & they see so many things that they try to protect you from. They are fighting for YOU. They are there with you in spirit and they will always come back to you.

It bothers me to see people freak out because of the little things in their daily lives. They freak out if they get pregnant, not saying it's a small thing but still, they freak out because they can't find a job, they do all this freaking out & men & women over seas are fighting for their lives. They can't see their families & all they have is words on a paper & little wallet sized pictures to live for & they won't be able to see their families for months, maybe years & they strive for the promise of having somebody to come home to. I promised so much to Nathan (bff) because I don't want him to feel alone when he leaves.

I hold the military & people in the military close to my heart.

I will never understand what they go through, but I know I'll be here for Manny & Nathan when they come back.

Song of the moment.

Someone once told me that you have to choose

What you win or lose

You can’t have everything

Don’t you take chances

You might feel the pain

Don’t you love in vain

’cause love won’t set you free

I can’t stand by the side

And watch this life pass me by

So unhappy

But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?

So what it I break down?

So what if this world just throws me off the edge,

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don’t care about all the pain in front of me

I just trying to be happy

I just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly

just can’t let go

just trying to play my role

slowly disappear

But all these days

They feel like they’re they’re same

Just different faces

different place

Get me out of here

I can’t stand by the side

Ooh, no

And watch this life pass me by

Pass me by

So what if it hurts me?

So what if i break down?

So what if this world just throws me off the edge?

my feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

don’t care about all the pain in front of me

I’m just trying to be happy

Oh, happy

Oh

So any turns that I can't see

Like I'm a stranger on this road

But don't say victim

Don't say anything

So what if it hurts me?

So what if I break down?

So what if this world just throws me off the edge?

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don’t care about all the pain in front of me

I just wanna be happy

Happy

I just wanna be

Oh

I just wanna be

Happy.

baby, baby, baby.

See I can never feel alone with you
in my life
I'll give up everything I own for you
won't think twice
almost ashamed how I'm mesmerised
such a shame
I lose my thought lookin in your eyes
I know why
because your kisses make my lips quiver
and that's real
and when you touch me my whole body shivers
I can feel
now I can see how another life
another life
could have the power to take over mine

that's exactly how I feel about him.

I know it's going to kill me when he leaves, for the fact I've fallen so hard in like with him.

He's what keeps me sane, he stops all tears from falling.

& he gives me something to look forward to the next day.

He's my baby, even though we aren't official.

He just doesn't know what he does to me.

I can't wait for the letters, the constant reminder that somebody out there wants me.

He's like a drug, he relieves my pain.

His love is my drug.

I am so glad you're home.

I missed you.

DAY SIXTEEN

somebody who doesn't live in your state/country

Dear Stephanie,

Sometimes I really do wish you lived in my state. I honestly think I'd be a better person if I actually had somebody I could rely on and trust that I can spend time with. Hell, we've discussed many times what would happen if we actually did live one another and lol, we'd be getting into so much trouble and we'd never be bored. Maybe one day that it'll become true that we will live close to one another and I could be able to see you when ever I could.

Your my best friend. Your one of the people I know will NEVER leave me for as long as I live. I trust you, I rely on you, I love you. Your the best person by far to enter my life. We've gone through so much shit in 2 years and it's just a start. We've seen each other's weakest, we know how to help each other. You know exactly what to say to clear up any tear that drops from my face and sometimes, I really just wish I could get in my car and drive my car and see you.

Your the only person I trust to be vulnerable around & thanks to you, I've met some of the most amazing people, such as; Jonnathan. I couldn't thank you enough for telling me to talk to him. But still, your an amazing best friend and I'm more than excited to get something tattooed on me that embarks our friendship. Your the fucking best. I'm excited to also see what the future has for us. :)

I love you Steph!

-Jaime

ps. fabo's still mine.

-this isn't apart of the letters but I just wanted to write this for appreciation-

Dear Anthony,

It's been 3 years of fights, laughs, tears, and smiles and we've gone through so many break ups to make ups but I know this time it's different. It's the way you talk to me, it's the way you understand me that has me head over heels in love with you. Compared to every other guy I've ever been with, you understand me and you have the most trust and faith in us. I love you. I love everything about you. When I ask you if you want me to leave you alone, I know it annoys you but as soon as I see "no" I know you want me around. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you when you gave me that list of reasons why you want me and for the longest time I just thought it was sex you wanted from me and I was wrong. I don't care about the reasons why you changed any more because you've changed into the man that I'm crazy over. My friends fight me because they know of all the hardships you put me through a couple months ago and I keep telling them it's different now. I have more faith in us. Your reassurance has me knowing that you won't leave me because of the silly things & I know you will pick me up if I fall. I appreciate you so much, you'll never understand how much I do.

I can't wait until the day that I can be in your arms and actually kissing those lips of yours. I just can't wait to start a future with you & I'm very very very proud to call you mine. I'm going to be there through everything you go through. When you need help with anything, I got you. I have your back regardless of anything. If you have a rough day, I want to be the one to massage your shoulders and your body and just for you to come home to. I want to be that perfect other half.

Your my prince.

Your my everything.

I love you.

ps. I'm super anxious to start a future with you.

ps. I know for a fact now that you won't leave my back. Things may not be perfect with us, but a relationship is always about compromise. At some times I wish we had some more time with one another and if that means I have to stay up until 2-3-4 the morning to be with you I will. It's what people in love do. I know for a fact that your committed to me, the way you talk to me and the way you tell me you love me and the way that you always tell me that your thinking of me proves that you are committed, and the way you are confident in our future as well us. But could you do me a small favor? I need to know that you'll at least tell me you love me once a day. At least that, please? I've chilled out on the attention a lot and you've chilled out on always needing sex, it's just apart of the compromise of love. I really do wish that the time you do have off until the time you have to go to work, you'd at least spend a little bit of time with me. I don't care if were sexing, I don't care if were talking or if your just on the phone with me and it's silence, I just want to know if your committed to me and willing to pay attention to me when I need it. For instance; I was having a hard day and you didn't take the time out not even once to tell me you love me. & Please, don't get mad at this but I know within the years of us being together, this is the first time I find myself madly in love with you and I understand our relationship; I understand that we don't need to talk all the time for me to feel a connection with you and if i'm on your mind; I don't need you to tell me you love me every .5 seconds for me to know. I finally understand us. At the end of the day, I want -scratch that- NEED to be with you, I NEED you. Physically & Mentally. I want to be able to have a child with you, I want to have a house with you, I want to be married to you. I just want to be with you. That's what I see in our future, that and a life time of great sex. But through the high and the low, I got your back. I'm going to remain here until the end of time. I love you.

pss. you have no reason why you should be scared why I would leave you or why I wouldn't want you one day because for as long as we live, I'll forever want you. Just the way you are. Sure we haven't met each other yet but I know, I just know from that first second I will never leave you, as well as you will never leave me. Your my man, and your my soon to be everything. & thank you for always being there for me. For as long as we are together and beyond, I got your back.

DAY FIFTEEN.

person you miss the most.

Dear Derrick

(even though I don't miss you that much)

We've been friends for 2 years and we've had our extreme ups and downs and we fight more than.. hell anything, but your still there. Sometimes I just want to punch the fucking life out of you & even though you still owe me the whole entire show of scrubs; I still got your back. When ever you need me, I'm here. When ever I need you, I know you got me.

You've been so supportive and your just an amazing best friend. I don't know what I'll do with out you. Your my black man & I love you. :)

Just stop being an ass.

ily,

jaime & dirty money.

ps. come get her, she's pissing me off.

DAY FOURTEEN

someone you've drifted from.

Dear Muffin,

I hate to say it but we've drifted apart and what differs from this and any other friendship is that it hurts more. I don't like the fact we've drifted apart, I actually hate it. I wish we had more we can talk about. I'll understand if you didn't want to be apart of my life any more, I just wish you can tell me instead of trying to push me away.

I miss you, I miss you a lot. It sucks how I have to wake up in the morning and look to my right and see something that is supposed to be something that we have. To be quite honest, it kills me that you haven't got it done yet. I honestly think your not going to get it.

& Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you'll get and we just need a break from each other because we never have anything to talk about. Hell, I don't know. I honestly have no clue what happened to us. It's just not the same as it was a year ago, I miss my old muffin. The muffin who would tell me he loved me and would spend time with me. & I hate to say it but i'm close to tears because I miss you. I hope we can patch up stuff, because a jetplane is nothing without her muffin.

i love you,

jets.

ps. i'm glad i actually got to know why we're drifting and we're not drifting, i just needed to realize sometimes you just need your space and your not a social person sometimes. but i just wanted to tell you, like I have many times that I appreciate you. Even though you live 23498248902 miles away from me, your still one of the best people to enter my life and I know for as long as I'm alive, you'll be there for me. As a shoulder to cry on or a foot to sit on, or just somebody I can tell about my day too, you'll be there. I know your just a text message or an IM away, and I understand sometimes you need your day to yourself & I understand this now. We all do sometimes. But I love you muffin. & if I don't tell you enough, your the fucking best.

DAY THIRTEEN

someone who you wish will forgive you.

Dear LC,

I really do wish you would forgive me, I wish that we can continue having that amazing friendship we used to have. I wish I could still be in Lys' life, I wish you could still be in Bella's. I made a mistake of always bringing just drama to you, and I shouldn't of done that to you. You got over whelmed and I'm sorry. I miss you so much but I am thankful for you actually at least coming back into my life.

I always giggle when I see these females flirting with you and I remember that I used to be one of them but I used to be one of the "important" ones. We planned a lot and I really do wish I could of went down there that summer. I always think of how it would of been if I actually did go down there & it never happened.

I wish that we can just move on and be friends, you become my best friend again, because honestly, I miss having somebody so sexy in my life, lol. You'll forever be a person who I counted on most & supported the most; I just hope that one day we can go back to best friend status. I still love you regardless of anything.

i miss you,

j.

DAY TWELVE

somebody you hate/caused you a lot of pain.

dear ajay (how did you know)

I sincerely hate you. You caused so much fucking pain to me and it came clear to me today that I actually can do so much better than your broke ass. I need a guy who can support me and be there for me. I've been telling my friends that I can deserve better just so they think I'm okay and i'm all better but I'm not, or I wasn't. I am now.

I woke up today and had a message from you on facebook. Your not that much of a man that you can't call me and tell me? Really?! Fuck out of here. I don't need you in my life any more. I can get a guy who will love me and not under mind me. Yeah you may know a lot about me that nobody else does but who the fuck cares. Mr. Right is out there for me and he's not you. So honestly, fuck off.

"She's an ex and a friend" If your in a fucking relationship, you STOP TALKING TO ALL EXES to keep the woman you love there. It's such a childish move. You've never understood my side of the story and what do you do when things don't go your way? You start cursing and acting stupid. Act your age, act like a man, BE A MAN. FUCK. man.

In the words of Chris Brown,

DUECES.

:)

-jaime.

DAY ELEVEN

a deceased person.

Dear Akahi,

There is not one day that I don't think about you and what you could of become in the future. I miss you so much and when ever I see your sister, I just remember your face and how I always confused you two. I wish God didn't take you away from me. I could of handled both you and your sister but God needed you.

I wish you were still here. I wish I can watch you walk, talk, do everything your sister is learning now. You would of been two in September and I really seriously do wish you were here. I miss you so much. But I also know your going to be watching out for Isabella, as well as your father and I, as well as any future child I may have...

I love you mommy's angel,

mom.

DAY TEN

Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

dear corrie,

I want to start this off as saying that I miss you. I've never met you in my life and we rarely talk as it is but you had a huge influence in my life. You cared so much about me and you even made it clear to me what was important in my life when I was going through a dark time. I miss the nights where we would talk until we had nothing to say to each other & you were my oreo, black on the outside, white on the inside, and gaming nights. I still wish I could text you but I'm afraid, if I do, you won't answer or you'll ask who this is. But I do miss you & I'm glad I got to know you and I wish that we can talk more. I just wish we would talk.

I miss you.

-jaime.

DAY NINE

someone you wish you can meet.

dear him,

you were supposed to pick me up one morning at three in the morning and we were supposed to spend the whole morning together & i was supposed to be in your arms & just be happy and eventually build something. even though you live probably 30 minutes away from me, i still never got the chance to meet you. it actually kills me that i've never met you & you live so close.

it all started with myspace and we were commenting and messaging each other & you made me feel more special than ever. i really do wish my car had gas and that yours worked that night because we could of built something & now you don't even text back to me. you doing that resulted me in fully giving up & again, i regret it. we've had so many opportunities to meet up and meet each other and we never did.

i fell in love with you, it kills me that we don't talk any more. i get super jealous when i see that your in a new relationship. but eh, i guess i have to move on...

sincerely,

your little white girl.

DAY EIGHT.

internet friend.

dear artavia deja jarvis,

this is my second blog about you, and your pretty much my best friend. it's been two years since i've met you and I love the fact that your in my life. I don't honestly know what to do with out you. You never let me down, your always there when I need you the most. you've been a huge support even though you live all the way across the country.

you were one of the best people to come out of crushspot and enter my life. I really do wish we lived closer because I know I would never be bored. and I hope you a great life and you'll always be my princess loving, pink loving, talk fasting, best friend. i love you tavi.

loves you!

-jaime.

Reasons why I think your awesome.

I haven't even known this person for 24 hrs. and he makes me want to write a list about him.

1. the uniqueness of the spelling of your name.

2. your piercings.

3. what turns you on.

4. your music choices.

5. your ice cream choice.

6. you show interest in me.

7. you live in one of the greatest cities

8. your honest.

9. your super cute.

10. your wise.

11. what you like in a woman.

12. your maturity.

13. your stories.

14. our new late night doings.

15. your birthday.

16. a night off - drake.

17. i can talk to you for hours and not get bored.

18. we've had a 10 hour conversation.

19. your cat.

20. you don't judge.

21. you know my best friend.

22. google chrome.

23. you put up with my random-osity.

24. the thought of me naked makes you happy (i think)

25. you have cooties.

26. you can put up with me.

27. you helped me move on from a situation.

28. your supportive.

29. you cuddle & it leads to sex. :D

30. you have guitars.

31. you like anime (even though I don't)

32. you SKATEBOARD!

33. you like what I like.

34. reassurance that you won't leave.

35. you understand me.

& finally, 36. YOUR BLACK.

-much to be added-

37. you won't allow me to think i'll be alone; or be depressed.

:)

DAY SEVEN

your ex crush, boyfriend, such.

Dear Brandon,

I miss you incredibly too much. losing you was a huge mistake and I wish I could turn back time and not say the things I did, but you can't turn back time and I made a mistake, I learned from it & I grew from it. But you were there for me more than any other boyfriend and you stayed there even when I was in the situation I was in, so that's why it's hard to give up.

We were off and on for a year and a half and I was even pondering the idea of packing up everything and moving me and my daughters over there to New York and I never got the chance to so we decided to meet in Chicago and that never happened. I can't think of New York or Chicago the same. I wish you were still in my life so I can tell you about all the things and about Isabella growing up.

Can you believe that she's almost two? I included you in my life so much and it's still extremely hard for me to give up on you when I included you in my daughters life as well. There are so many things that remind me of you and it's still hard to move on from it. I added you on FB just to see if you would add me and you did and I don't know why but I felt as though I still had a little bit of hope that we could reconnect and rebuild a friendship, but you never responded to my message.

I was extremely hurt during that year and a half of dating you because of course, I was the other woman. And I know if I hung on a little bit more, you would of lost her and we could still be together but I was impatient and I was tired of having to lie about each other, which reminds me, Lie about us from Avant is playing right now. That was our song. I mean, I guess at the end of the day, I still love you. Dating you reflects on a lot of relationships I'm in now; I won't allow myself to be the other woman because of how it felt when I was with you.

At the end of the day, I miss you, B. & I still love you & if you ever want to know how Isabella is doing, just let me know & I'm extremely sorry for letting you go.

Sincerely,

-jaime.

ps. didn't you know how much I loved you?

DAY SIX

a stranger

dear her,

i really wish you would stop talking to him. the fact that i see you telling MY MAN that you love him, really does piss me off. last time i checked, i was the one that had the ring on the finger, NOT YOU. So really, please, stop talking to my fiance.

i don't like you, i never liked you, and matter of fact. i hate you. and if your delusional if you think you two have something. you know for a fact that he's with me, so leave him alone. there are so many other men out there to bother with. leave mine alone.

so again, LEAVE HIM ALONE. he's mine and forever will be mine.

sincerely,

angry FIANCEE.

ps. you win. you gain him. but i hope he cheats on you like he did me.

DAY FIVE

your dreams:

dear sleeping dreams and as well as futuristic dreams,

when i go to sleep and i have those weird dreams that are reality & that are good, i always wake up the next morning hoping that it had happened just to be disappointed. i haven't had a nightmare in awhile but I had one the other night, and thank you for my subconscious, it woke me up so therefore I can dream about something else.

futuristic dreams, i have not gave up.

sincerely, j.

DAY FOUR:

your siblings (i decided to write about my brothers)

Brian,

you are possibly the best brother in the whole freaking world. when ever i go through a horrible break up or just have a horrible day, you are the one I want to go to. nobody else, just you. but your never there when i need you. hopefully, when you need me, i'll be there. but anyways, your my brother and we may fight more than the average brother and sister, your still my blood brother and your amazingly awesome. -daps.

Kyle,

Usually older brothers are more protective over their little sisters but it's not like that with us. For the fact that your different than other people, i'm protective over you. you may call me bossy but hell, i'm looking out for you. You do have your secret protective moments such as trying to sneak in my room when I had company who were guys over. It's also funny to see when ever I got actual girl friends over, you instantly crush on them *tamra.* but your seriously protective over just not me, but your niece. it's amazing how gentle you are with her and she's always wanting to play rough with you but your always afraid to hurt it. your like the friendly giant. lol. love you ky.

LEWISH,

your not really my brother but omg, your fucking amazing & i'm glad your in my life. I'm glad I went online that day and found you. I knew that we were going to be close when you were straight up blunt with me and every time we talked, I was excited to talk to you and I was devastated when you left. recently, you left to do job corps and oh boy, i missed you like crazy. blood couldn't make us closer & your an amazing kid. & yes, i am going to continue being protective and I will interrogate when ever you bring a girl around. and i honestly don't care if you don't get any that night because i had to do it. I know damn well, when you meet ajay, you'll do the same thing and be protective. all bullshit aside, it's going to kill me when you leave me again. there were so many times i needed to talk to you about the simple things in my life that were going wrong & I couldn't find you. it hurt & i actually felt lost. but your back & i love you crazily. your an amazing, tech n9ne listening, power ranger loving, big brother.

finally KJ,

omg, it's been what 948923048209489023 years since you were introduced into my life. you have literally been there for me, watching me grow up and such. I was devistated when you couldn't come up here in June, but things happen. I'll forgive you but I'll never forget. I was all ready to brag to everybody about my handsome basketballer brother and you never showed up. but one day, we'll unite and we'll play a hard core game of basketball and you'll lose. Until then, i'm planning to get a tattoo of you to recognize how much you mean to me and how much I love you. Just like any brother and sister, we have had our fights, we've had our ups and we've gone through everything. it's crazy ridiculous how were a country apart and we're closer than super glue and skin. you mean the world to me, kj. even though your far away, you protect me like i live with you. i'm still waiting for you to come rescue me and take me away but i'll wait. simple as this, i can't live with out you. you have steered me from all bad things in life and made me realize the important things in life. you have been such an inspiration to me, and even when you feel like your not the most amazing brother is when you are the most amazing brother. you have put up with all my crazy things and i couldn't ask for anybody more special than you in my life. i'm excited to get a tattoo to recognize our relationship & maybe one day you'll get the same one. i love you KJ. your just an amazing brother & regardless of anything, i'll always be your baby sis.

DAY THREE:

your parents.

Dear Madre & Padre,

you have given me life and you have seriously gone through hell and back with me from me moving back home to having kids to getting married; but through it all you have never hesitated to help me. You have let me learn from my mistakes and never pushed me to do something I didn't want to do.

moms, i have never been open to you about anything for the fact that I have trust issues, even with my own parents. You have been there to support me and all my brothers and sisters, regardless if I wanted you there or not, you were there. At the end of the day, you let us chose what path you wanted us to go down and not setting a complete life plan for each of your kids that we'll end up breaking. We have had our fights, and I'm sorry for treating you badly when I'm having a bad day, I hope my daughter NEVER treats me or you like the way I treated you. I treated you horribly and i'm extremely sorry. I love you with all my heart and I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most.

pops, i don't even know what to say about you. we have always been in the kind of relationship where we never talked about our feelings. i remember when i was a kid and you had accidentally hit me and you felt incredibly bad that you wanted to leave the house and I was extremely pissed off at you and I also wanted to leave the house. Mom made us make up and from there, we have had our moments of closeness but once I started having kids, you left me. When I needed you the most. But when you held your grandchild for the first time, I can tell that you had changed yet again. from time I was 15 I realized I was just like you. I would get mad and I would throw things and curse out the world, JUST LIKE YOU; I am a typical fathers daughter. I still look up to you as my daddy. & It hurt Mom, Isabella and I when you had to move 50 miles away. I'm glad I at least get to see you once a week. I just spent a week with you and even though we didn't do anything, it was perfect for the fact that I was there with my dad.

at the end of the day, i love you moms & pops.

sincerely, skee.

day two.

your crush.

-I feel extremely guilty for writing this for the fact that I'm engaged and this isn't to the one I'm engaged to.

dear crush,

i've known you since high school and you still have the affect on me from the first day we met. i felt horrible when we had our falling out and after that day, there hasn't been a day that I thought of you. the way you make me smile is incredible and I'm glad your in my life instead of out of it. I was looking forward to going to college with you but i'll wait a year. I hope you never read this because i know it will raise the risk of losing you again. from the first day I met you, i knew i wanted you in my life forever.

you went from being this person that I seen every day, my only reason for my attendance at school to my best friend, to an ex-best friend and now your becoming my friend again. everything about you is amazing even if you don't see it in yourself. you make me laugh like no other. you put up with me and my crazy theories and unlike many other men, you notice when something changes. i wish you would understand that it hurt me when you left me. i was extremely angry at you when you said we couldn't be friends because you were going away to college and you were afraid that i would miss you. because every day you were away from me, i missed you.

you were my first crush in high school and you still are a crush. i know you'll always just be a crush but i know you'll always be in my life now because i'm never letting you go. i love having you in my life and i still wish i can talk to you more and wish i wasn't afraid of texting you because i'm also very afraid you will leave again.

so please, don't leave.

-jaime.

ps. every time i got off working at the food bank, i drove by your house with loud music to see if you would look out your window and see me and come out and stop me; you never did and i never had my music loud enough for you to hear me.

day one.

your best friend.

dear airion jamal cummings,

Of all people I could possibly of written about, I decided to write to you because even though I'm crying right now, you were the one who texted back asking me what was wrong. It proves to me that you are my best friend. We have been through a lot together and we've continued to stay committed to each other. I was having so much fun with you I forgot to keep track of how long I've known you. I just know it feels like I've known you forever.

We have "kids" together, we were "married", and nobody will ever understand our friendship. Hell, I'm sure somebody is going to read this and be like... "huh?" But you are the only person I know to listen to Justin Bieber with me. You've been there to stop so many tears from dropping like you are now. You were that shoulder that I leaned on when I needed somebody. I don't understand how somebody so far away can feel so close.

Every female needs a man like you in their life & thanks to you, I'm one less lonely girl.

Thank you & I love you, Jamal.

-jaime.

ps. we experienced our first argument last night. how i acted was wrong and childish. if i keep up how I acted last night then i could of lost you and my fiancée at some point. I'm very sorry for how I acted. I need you to be in my life and how I acted is going to get you to leave. Your my best friend and there were boundaries that I was pushing. I'm very sorry, Jamal. I hope you forgive me.

pss. thank you for keeping my head straight. you saw what you needed to do and you did it. i was stupid and didn't realize until the next day what you were doing. thank you for being a best friend and keeping my head straight and trying to make me be successful in my relationship.

psss. you keep breaking promises such as telling me to say goodnight before you to sleep every night and as well as telling me when you need time alone but yet, you broke them and yet my trust is growing stronger for you and but yet I love you. You have seen my weak points, and you've heard my heart beat (metaphorically) and I'm not shy around you. If I don't go a day with out talking to you, i feel as though I am losing you and I know for as long as we are both alive you will NEVER leave me. & at times, yes I may feel like your losing your grip but what do you do? you switch hands and hold tighter. I love you Jamal, you are an amazing best friend and I know you love me too because I can text you at any random time screaming for help and you will respond within minutes asking me whats wrong and I'm sure you get frustrated with me at times but Im seriously debating on talking to you about getting a matching tattoo because it's way that I can signify my relationship with you and I know again, you will never leave me. I love you Airion Jamal Cummings, aka bald man. :)